That Examination Paper

Here's the spoof examination paper that's been circulating underground for ages, but it took me a while to dig it up. I especially love the final question ..

Candidates must attempt all questions.

Pass mark 99%

1. History.

Describe the history of the Papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially but not exclusively on its social, political, economic, religious and philosophical impact on Europe, America, Asia and Africa. Be brief, concise and specific.

2. Medicine.

You are provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze and a bottle of scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture your work until it has been inspected. You have 15 minutes.

3. Public speaking.

2,500 riot crazed aboriginals are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Greek or Latin.

4. Biology.

Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500,000,000 years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the British Parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.

5. Music.

Write a new piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find the piano under your seat.

6. Sociology.

Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.

7. Engineering.

The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box under your desk. You will also find an instruction manual printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

8. Political Science.

There is a red telephone on the desk behind you. Start World War III. Report at length on the socio-political effects, if any.

9. Philosophy.

Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

10. General Knowledge.

Define the Universe. Describe in detail. Give three examples.

11. Epistemology.

Take up a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position.